a growing family

The relatively short space of time between Baby #1 & Baby #2 has made me particularly sensitive to all the negativity surrounding large families, NFP, and generally anything to do with the subject of kids/pregnancy. It got to the point that I had to tell my mum that I was tired of telling people I was pregnant, because I just couldn't deal with the comments ('that was fast'; 'are you crazy?'; 'NFP fail?'; 'it'll be almost as bad as having twins'). As Anne Shirley so wisely points out in Anne of the Island, 'it's all the worse when it is people one likes who manage to say the things that 'seemed to take the color right out of life and leave it as gray and dismal and cheerless as a November morning'.

Talking about baby Hope, as we're calling 'her' (hoping for a girl, this time) is something I'm most comfortable doing with close friends or with women who have large families. In the case of the former, our close friends have been supportive and excited. In the case of the latter, although they will honestly tell me that it can be difficult with two little babies, they can also tell me that it's worth it.

I am annoyed that having a second baby on the way has launched me into the 'women with large families' club, simply by virtue of the babies being close in age. If David and I continue to have children in this devil-may-care fashion we could end up as contestants for a reality TV show! We are serving to over populate the earth, and being negligent/irresponsible, and we clearly need a basics lesson in contraception.

Suffice to say, it's been nice to read the blogs and articles and opinions by other families who have chosen to go the route of NFP. It's encouraging to read how it becomes more and more of a complete and total lifestyle & mindset adjustment. With both pregnancies I've had, at least one person has said, or strongly implied, that this was the result of not using a more reliable method of contraception. With Walter, as I've written in the past, NFP left no surprises. When we needed to avoid pregnancy, we did, and when we felt it was time to start trying, we got lucky right away. With Hope I can honestly say that this was not planned, but the important second part of the statement is that this was also not prevented. Restarting NFP after childbirth is always difficult, but we chose to be less rigid in adjusting to it than we could have been if we really needed to avoid pregnancy. To be honest, by the time Walter was 2.5 months I was already thinking about having another one, and wondering how long we'd wait. It was hard, when I found out, to be gracious about this gift because life was in such turmoil, but we have had to trust this baby's life to God, and our own lives, and in the past few months we have really seen how our little Hope has given us cause to hope for the future. God knew best, as He always does.

The thing is, fertility (or lack thereof), is almost always a surprise. Time after time I come across stories of women who have waited to have children, or who have done the norm by going on the pill only to come off it and try to conceive and get the incredibly negative surprise that things aren't working as they should -- and I also know personally couples who have been told that they would never be able to have children yet have ended up with large families (an incredibly wonderful surprise). I grew up very conscious, always conscious, of my own parents' struggle to have children. It is a long, hard, and sad road for people to walk. So yeah, life may be crazy for the next few years with these little kids, but I cannot overlook the immense blessing here and treat this pregnancy like a catastrophic accident. This baby is an actual human being, with her (or his!) whole future still to unfold, with a little personality that is going to begin growing and developing from birth onwards, and with his (or her!) own way of adding something good to humanity. If you have kids, especially if they're driving you nuts, just take a moment to pause and think about how absolutely freaking lucky you are. I know too many people who would give almost anything to be driven bat-shit crazy by some kids of their own.

Weihnachtmarkets

(blogger won't upload any pictures for me so those are going to have to wait...alas!)

Our last week in Berlin happened to coincide with the opening of the Weihnachtmarkets, or Christmas Markets. Having heard from many German friends that these markets are what they missed most about Germany, I was keen to check them out. It also proposed a good solution to our problem of what to get family for Christmas on an almost non-existent budget.

The first Weihnachtmarket we hit up was the Lucia, a Scandinavian-themed market located in Prenzlauer Berg’s Kulturbrauerei. We chose this one because it was close, which meant that David could spare some time to come with us, and because it had Scandinavian glögg on offer, a new version of mulled wine to try. We quickly found that the main offerings of the market were alcohol and meat, with a few stalls here & there where one could purchase little gifts. So we fortified ourselves with glögg and went for a wander, with the good luck of getting gifts for all of David’s family at this market. After a heavy afternoon of shopping we refreshed ourselves with some boulette am brot from a little wooden shack – David couldn’t resist trying the burgers as they were cooked on a giant swinging iron grill over an open fire. The food was delicious and gave us the energy we needed to haul our tired selves back to Wedding.

Walter and I dedicated one day to visiting various markets in Mitte. The first one we went to was the rather posh Weihnachtmarket in the Gendarmenmarkt. You had to pay to enter this one if you came in the afternoon, so we made sure to get there a little early. It was a really pretty market, and all the door keepers were wearing period dress to try and fit with the Gendarmenmarkt ambience. The stalls were pretty ritzy, for the most part, and a few restaurants had even set up shop. Considering this market is just off of Unter den Linden and fairly near the embassies it’s not a huge surprise.

I’d planned to get lunch at one of the markets and I couldn’t resist trying the Neuburger Rahmbrot when I saw the cute little hut and crowd of hungry, happy Germans surrounding it. The bread was fresh made while I waited and I got to watch the process from start to finish before enjoying my treat. Fresh baked bread with sour cream, bacon, & green onions? Yes please!

My plan was to walk to the big Christmas Market at Alexanderplatz, but along the way I got distracted by a little one on Museum Island. The markets were all selling the same goods with the exception of one or two special stalls, and the real winner at this one was a little booth of Russian goods, including some lovely hand painted pieces.

As darkness fell we finally reached Alexanderplatz, home of the city’s largest Christmas Market. The highlight here was discovering that the Neptunbrunnen was turned into a giant skating rink, complete with some Strauss recordings for background music. I think Walter & I spent about an hour checking out all the different booths and trying desperately to finish our Christmas shopping (success after asking the intercession of St Anthony!). We even managed to buy some quarkbällchen with currants in them as a treat for David, since he couldn’t come with us.

We returned to our flat exhausted but triumphant – Christmas shopping completed, on budget, and everything small & light enough to fit in our suitcases for the next stage of our journey: Home for Christmas!

7 Quick Takes (Vol. 7)

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I had a mid-week day off this week, so that David could get into the University Library and look at some books. The weather co-operated and Walter & I had a perfectly lovely 'Walter & Mummy Day' which made up for Saturday (when it hailed and my 2.5 hours of weekend overtime turned into 5.5). We shared lunch, ran errands, and then 'played swings' in the park for half an hour, where we met another mum & young baby on the same tasks. It was great, and one of those days that one dreams about when pregnant.

--- 2 ---

I've been noticing how much encouragement I've been getting just from reading other Catholic blogs (especially, but not limited to, Catholic blogs also written by mothers). With all the moving around & parish changing it's nice to feel connected to the Church via the online community, since putting down roots in a new parish takes time. Sometimes it's just to connect with people who speak the same 'language'... in The Real World I'm finding more and more that my thoughts are just far off from what seems to be accepted as the norm. This is probably a good sign...

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Speaking of not being the norm/encouragement, a lot of stuff regarding 'large families' has come my way lately (either via friends or articles that others post that look interesting). Considering we only have one child on the outside world at the moment, I find myself shaking my head in half-humerous sadness that our soon to be family with two kids is verging on the 'large' side, mostly because there isn't much space between the two babies. I have a longer post coming on attitudes towards pregnancy/children/large families, but really, isn't it a bit sad that having two babies is requiring a lot of defence/build-me-up material in the face of society's expectations (and comments!)?

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In other news, the NHL Playoffs have begun back in North America and this year we will sadly not be following along via an NHL subscription. In the past, especially when the Canucks were doing well, we've gotten up at all hours of the night to watch the games via a subscription to stream them live. Yet in the confusion and shuffling of the strike this past year, the company that the NHL employs, or permits, to stream the games has dealt in some very shoddy business practices (like updating their T&Cs without advising their customers, renewing subscriptions with no warning or receipt, and taking money without consent). We can't really trust them with credit card information, so no games for us.

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My favourite Friday 'at work' lunch in the UK is a cheese & onion sandwich (onions diced so small you can't see them, and just enough zing to elevate it above an overly cheesy mayonaissey mess) with a packet of salt & vinegar crisps on the side. The Co-Op makes the best ones, although there's no Co-Op in Ely so we've been getting deli filler mixes from the supermarkets instead. Alas, this week I accidently purchased cheese & tomato instead of cheese & onion. So my meatless lunch this week really is on the penitential side!

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Tomorrow is Eel Day in Ely, a celebration of the town's namesake (thank you, Vita of St Aethelwold) and a chance for David to finally partake of the delicacy he's been after since moving to the UK -- eel. We have some friends coming up from Cambridge to join us for the celebrations and we plan to form a team for the 'eel tossing' competition. Does this sound hopelessly geeky? Not so! Some of the best fun we've had has been participating in various local festivals in the places we've lived. It's always fun to see how the locals do it :)

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And finally, Walter is 9 month's old today! Time has flown. I shall do a longer post about all his amazing baby achievements at some point.

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

7 Quick Takes (Vol. 6)

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Things from our move are almost completely coming together. We should be getting our most treasured possessions out of storage on Monday. With our beloved belongings spread between four cities at the moment, it's nice to get some of them back. The height of that magical, one day 'being settled' for me will be the ability to have all our stuff in one place, with us. Constantly moving around the globe is good for helping you cut down on personal possessions, but there are some things too precious to give away. Plus I'm glad to have Walter's Baptismal Candle back with us in time for his first birthday!

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This past week has been kicking my butt. Pregnant & tired. Pregnant and too many appointments. Too many appointments causing me to have to work tighter hours at work, subsequently affecting how much 'downtime' I get during the day, or like yesterday, affecting if I get to eat breakfast before noon (although that was completely my fault as I forgot I had a meeting that AM). As soon as my blood sugar drops I basically hit the wall of exhaustion. The other day I managed to get Walter to bed and then disappeared into the bath for an hour with a diet cola, packet of crisps, and a murder mystery. It was heaven. 

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Maybe it's the special grace given to pregnant ladies, or married ladies, or maybe it's just because even with the tiredness & packed schedule things are still a big emotional improvement over the past year, but I've actually been able to notice all the awesome things that David does (normally I don't notice, because I'm not very observant, and then people have to point them out to me). The man is amazing, but at the same time no less than what I expected when I married him. So it's really got me thinking about all the negative expectations people seem to have about men.

I have a husband who can cook, clean, and more than competently look after a baby. I'm grateful, very grateful, but I also feel sad that people who don't know us that well always enviously tell me that I'm lucky, or look taken aback when I don't join in on complaining about how useless my other half is. I'm beginning to see why David gets so insulted that the prevailing attitude among those who don't know us seems to be that since he's a guy all he's really good at is watching sports and scratching his ass...

My point? Go tell your husband how much you appreciate him. And then go tell the world. Because at least among the guys I know, there are a lot of good ones who know how to be a true partner. I'm tired of being told that "most men aren't like that". If they're not, then they damn well should learn how to be... so let's start building our guys up.

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I was thinking about stereotypes when I typed the above. Then I realised that I'm barefoot, pregnant, and in the kitchen... In my defense, I don't have a desk so I'm using the kitchen table, and we don't wear shoes indoors. But still.

--- 5 ---

Walter's doing amazing with his solids. He likes to eat what mummy & daddy eat, whether or not it gives him "tummy ache" when he goes to bed, and if I'm in the kitchen he is pretty much guaranteed to whine at my feet until I give him food. When I have time to be responsible, I try to give him cut up banana. The rest of the time I resort to baby biscotti:

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The commute to work is giving me lots of time to read, which was the one thing lacking in post-baby-delivery life. David's been loading me up with old murder mysteries (like Murder on the Orient Express and A Man Lay Dead), whilst the free books I can get for my Kindle off of Amazon & the Gutenberg Project are introducing new authors to me (the best so far is Grant Allen). It's so nice to have time to read again, and it means that I can usually transition fairly easily from a busy work day to a demanding Walter thanks to the 45 minutes of peace & quiet on the bus.

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Life is a bit too chaotic to get my Quick Takes out on Friday. By chaotic I mean that I now count Walter crawling around on the kitchen floor and eating up the crumbs that he finds as part of his weaning plan, because letting him learn to feed himself that way is just easier than trying to find time to do it in a typical "this is my first child and I'm middle class so I read books and over-plan everything" sort of way... you know, the stuff I had time to do before I had an actual baby. I should mention that the crumbs are on the floor because we let him feed himself while we eat (it's a good distraction), and his current method is to cram as much food as possible in both fists and then spill it down his front/hide it in his clothing/store it on the floor for later. On the plus side, at least my floors are getting a regular cleaning (both from the human-hoover and from the need to sweep them constantly if I want to avoid wading through a sea of crumbs).

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

7 Quick Takes (Vol. 5)

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We survived Easter, barely. Holy Saturday was hard. I was really sick, Walter was still sick, and David had committed to doing one of the readings at the Easter Vigil, which at our church takes place before dawn on Easter Sunday (so 5am this year), and was sad that he was going to have to get up in the middle of the night to spend Easter on his own. But we had our Easter miracle -- a kind friend sent David home from the Vigil with a batch of homemade hotcross buns, so we had a special Easter breakfast. I sang Walter the Exsultet when I put him to sleep on Saturday which made me feel somewhat connected to the church universal, and by Sunday afternoon Walter's digestive system had sorted itself out and I was able to keep food down. By Monday we were able to make it to our favourite gastro-pub, The Old Spring, for Easter dinner. So it was very different from usual, but it ended up being a special family time nonetheless. And I am really enjoying being able to sing songs with "alleluia" in them to Walter again!

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On one of our last days in Cambridge we took a family walk into town. After a few hours of walking we'd burned off our pub lunch & afternoon coffees, so we decided to pick up a snack from the sausage cart. It led to a conversation of the different types of hotdog/sausage street foods we've had in various places:

- BC: we don't buy them on the street, but you can get a really good kosher smokie from Costco. It's not specific to BC, of course, but we only eat them there.

- Alberta: The climate isn't really conducive to street food, and we couldn't remember ever consuming a hotdog in the province... that said, we were able to sample lots of delicious Ukrainian and Mennonite sausages at the Old Strathcona Farmer's Market so I guess that counts.

- Ontario: hot dog venders on Toronto street corners. We loved their corn relish, and the ability of the hot dog to help create sobriety between leaving university events & reaching home.

- New York: we went for the big guns and decided to try an authentic American chilli hotdog at Nathan's Famous on Coney Island. It was sad. I don't think we'll ever do it again. The pizza was much better.

- Berlin: Currywurst!! This is our favourite so far -- German wurst topped with "red sauce" and loaded with curry powder, served either with a roll or with fries. So good.

- England: sausage-in-a-bun. If it weren't for Germany this would be my favourite. Sausage in a bun just has a better taste than the hotdog and for some reason doesn't feel as dodgy. Nice floury bun, nice hot sausage, and lashing of diced onion & chilli relish. It was good.

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David and I are sort of splitting the end of my maternity leave, except he doesn't get any pay to stay at home and look after Walter. It just means we can have an income again :) Anyway, Walter spent my first week back at work enjoying himself too much to nap. David says it's like Walter can't believe I would leave him & David unsupervised, so he feels he needs to cram in as much fun as possible. My first day gone, Walter laughed hysterically every time David went near him and wouldn't sleep at all. I'm really glad that they're getting this special time together and it's made going back to work so much easier.

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Since it's still Easter for us Catholics, I'll post these now: my family is Ukrainian and my Gramma's house is full of the Ukrainian Easter eggs that she & her sisters made back in the day. Last time I was at Gramma's I was able to sneak some pictures:

Easter meets Christmas!

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On Sunday I took David & Walter to Peacock's Tearoom to celebrate my annual raise. I've been trying to take David there for over a year so I was thrilled that our high tea lived up to every expectation. Although it's not quite as romantic as taking tea in an apple orchard, the food was superb and the gigantic list of loose leaf teas made our day. The English certainly have a knack for making a good pot of tea and whenever I am back in North America I lament the horrid, semi-flavoured water that passes for tea most places. Walter got to join in our tea time fun by eating crumpets & jam. He went a bit berserk and by the end of the meal he had jam all over his face & feet (having finished his meal he decided to suck on his toes) and bounced on my knee with the most devilish expression of glee on his face.  

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Walter's been crawling since 7 months and is, as predicted, getting into everything. He climbs & pulls himself up quite easily, so he can effectively get around most barriers. The funny thing is that when he is tired he seems to forget that he is mobile. The other day he crawled away from me, down the dark hallway, and then sat there sobbing because he was on his own in the dark and couldn't figure out how to get back to mummy!

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I've gotten my first 'normal' paycheque for the first time in about 6 months. This meant I could do the mature and responsible thing and create a household budget. I even used an excel spread sheet and figured out how to get the cells to do the math for me. Unfortunately, a pretty & functional spread sheet doesn't equal a pretty final result. So it's time to sit around and count my blessings (which is perhaps what people mean by that irksome '#firstworldproblems') rather than feeling we're still best neighbours with the Have Nots :) There's too much hope put on instant gratification, but waiting another month or so for a day-trip to London should only serve to remind me that I should be grateful I live close enough to London to make it a day trip! Still, for the present I think I am best served by continuing to read books in the vein of Little Women and The American Frugal Housewife, which will teach me to bear this season of tightened belts with the grace & composure of someone who does not need to find their happiness in lots of material freedom.

 

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Pippa's Visit

On our last weekend in Berlin our friend Pippa came from Aberdeen to visit. I’d been looking forward to her visit since it’s fun to see friends and since we didn’t know when we’d next see her.

She arrived Friday night so we had a warming supper of pasta and garlic bread, followed by a late night walk through the area and the procurement of some vanilla-kirsch-eis from Kaisers. We had a great visit and stayed up a bit too late talking :)

On Saturday we left David at home, working, while we went out to explore the city. Our day was a mix of shopping, eating, and sightseeing – an attempt to get the feel of Berlin during daylight hours! We began by viewing the Berlin Wall Memorial and then heading towards the Berlin Bear Pit – as a vet Pippa was particularly concerned with whether or not the bear pit had bears in it... unfortunately it seems that it does, although they were indoors so we couldn’t see them.

Graffiti must be grammatically correct

Statue of a Medieval warrior outside the Märkisches Museum

Berlin's Bärenzwinger (Bear Pit)

En route to the bear pit we’d stopped for some mulled wine, and it turned out to be a good thing that we did since the next stage of journey took much longer than expected as there was a relatively large island missing off my map and it was difficult to tell if we were going in the right direction. But all was well and we ended up at the Georg Braeu in the end!

Getting lost -- scenic style

Going to a “brauhaus” was such a great experience and I was really sad that David had to miss it. The beer was delicious and it was so fun to have authentic German food that wasn’t sausage or schnitzel (or boulette). I ordered a cabbage roll and really enjoyed comparing it to the Ukrainian and Mennonite cabbage rolls that my family makes. Ours are cabbage stuffed with a mixture of rice & meat (either ground beef or bacon), whereas this was cabbage stuffed solidly with seasoned pork. Sort of like a giant sausage only with cabbage for the casing. It was really tasty, especially with the beer. This is around the time that Walter started cluing in to grown-up food so I had to wrestle my beer away from him, at which point he want after the gravy on my plate. 

Enjoying some German beer

Following lunch we went shopping, browsing through some of the more electic shops enroute to Alexanderplatz. It was a great way to kick start Christmas shopping and we even managed to take in the little beginnings of a Christmas market. Then it was back to our flat in Wedding for my own version of German food (wiener schnitzel, spätzel & red cabbage), followed by an evening walk for some (and time at home with Walter for me). 

Pippa Pinocchio!

Pippa had to leave early on Sunday morning so our visit was lamentably cut short. But we were so glad that our dear friend could come visit us while we still had a fixed address.

In lieu of a Quick Takes Post

I'm a couple weeks behind on Quick Takes, because:

- we've moved twice
- I've gone back to work
- Walter, David, & I were all down with the flu

So, in lieu of a Quick Takes post, I offer this news (which is probably old news to many of my readers)

The Porter Family is expecting to increase by one more member!

We are all very excited, although Walter made a point of jealously drinking his milk while glaring at the ultrasound screen during our first scan appointment this week.

And, don't let 'first scan' throw you off. I'm quite far along in this pregnancy, but due to various complications from travel and not being certain which country I'd be having the baby in (and thus which country to qualify for medical care in), I missed my "12 Week Scan" and so this was my 20-ish week scan.